Tip:
If someone else is paying for your travel, arrange a very long layover in a
place you want to see enroute.
So,
Seattle what I can I say about this place that hasn't been said? Ok first of all I booked a 1st class flight
here from D.C. through Alaskan airlines.
Do not, I repeat do not, book a first class ticket through Alaskan
Airlines. First (and this may sound a
bit posh) there is no 1st class lounge to take advantage of in D.C. for Alaskan
Airlines, you get to chill out at the gate with the common people. Secondly, the biggest perk of first class
(for a lush at least) is unlimited drinks.....not so much on this airlines, yes
I got cut off after 4 vodka/orange juices (that may seem enough for you some of
you, but lets be honest you can't put a limit on free). I think this is mainly do to the fact the guy
next to me had terminal colon cancer and kept telling me jokes, so in an effort to make him feel better I was
laughing a bit harder than usual. I
think laughing can cure cancer, at least that’s what I've heard/read
online. Oh yeah, I love absolutely love
hearing peoples "story", everyone has one but nobody really wants to
hear it. The guy sitting next to me on
this flight, with terminal cancer, was in the United States Marine Corps. for
four years, then joined the food service industry. He opened up the first Starbucks in D.C. (if
you've ever been, you know that it's an essential life blood of the D.C. culture)
and then started working in the Restaurant business. After a fall out with his wife (I guess ex-wife
if you want to be completely correct) he promised his in-laws he would remain
until his daughters (twins by the way....very beautiful, very, very, beautiful)
had graduated high school. So he spent
the next ten years working in 3 to 4 star restaurants throughout the D.C. area
(he made some quite peculiar recommendations) and then moved to Alaska. In Alaska he managed the ferry's (apparently there’s
very few because he stated this very matter of factly) service section for 15
years. He shared stories about homeless
and extra sunny days. He told me about
how he had just taken a trip across country to see his daughters and sold his
car and old camper to his friends, for $3.75 because he lost a bet and he
didn't need it any more. More than
anything I think this guy needed someone to listen, cause he had a lot to
say.
So the plane finally
touched down in Seattle, and conviently having a 7 hour layover I immediately
booked for the exit, why not explore right?
Just so you know, the metro or "Sound transit" is the cheapest
and easiest way to depart from the airport to downtown. I think it took me around 20 minutes, and
$5.00 for an all day pass, to get to the business district of Seattle where
adventure awaited. First stop? Pikes Place Market, for any of you that know
me you know I have an aversion to food.
The market was pretty chill, a bit touristy, it had every different kind
of fish, leather imprinted belts, shopping bags, and blah blah blah....I'm
hungry. I take a look at my trusty
travel companion, Trip advisor app (P.S. Trip advisor I think it’s time you
start sponsoring my trips), and head to Ivan's clam shack. This place sits right next to a
"curiosity shop" and I am
curious like a cat (that's why they call me whiskers...they don't but maybe
they should). It had some amazing stuff
inside; like those fortune teller machines from the movie "Big",
dehydrated corpses, two headed taxidermy animals, and post cards. Ok, back to the originally point Ivan's
right? This place was set up like 1930's
style wooden tables, bars, and stools. A
very big gay presence there which isn't something I'm immediately used (not adverse
just not used to); my waiter, the table behind me, and the table across from me
consisted of gay men (maybe it was gay seafood Tuesday). So the Mussels/Clam Rockefeller was so
amazing my mouth waters even thinking back on this meal. Seriously they have their own self smoked
bacon they add to a mix of mussels, creamy sauce, and pepper that will make you
question why you don't live near the sea at all times. It was like a chowder of deliciousness, while
only consisting of a simple dish that was over far earlier than it should have
been. The fish and chips however, not
much too rave about....they didn't even have HP sauce! I then waddled over to the Columbia building,
which is way taller than the Space Needle and a cheap price of $6 for military. This place has amazing views of not only Puget
Sound but of all downtown Seattle, definitely worth a trip....oh and by the
way, no line. There is the Seattle
traffic radio station housed on the same viewing floor with harsh signs of
"Silencio!" which is even better cause you can enjoy your view in
peace. From there I headed to Bubble gum
alley, an alley infested with germs and used bubble gum affixed to a wall in a quaint
alley way....if your a germaphobe this place would probably make you throw
up. I then headed to Pioneer square,
walked around there little posh antique shops and then found the coolest thing
ever! The national park system runs a
free museum based on the Alaskan gold rush in downtown Seattle, did I mention
this was free....and awesome! The staff,
at least upon my arrival, was this older gentleman that seemed genuinely
delighted with his job as a park ranger and historian and an equally excited
younger woman. He briefed me on a short
history tour of the gold rush and the things the museum had to offer; let me
explain this, I'm a nerd and I love little history things like this. During my trip to Ireland for St. Patrick’s
day honestly the be best part aside from the company was a butter museum with
an old lady sensuously churning butter on a video. So after a bit of very interesting intro I
was led to a theater for a VIP screening of history (ok well everybody is a VIP
in this place and the videos free to everyone).
Seriously the whole Alaskan gold rush thing was the same thing as a
story going viral, and hitting youtube, for us but in a very serious and deadly
manner. People left their lives in hopes
of a quick claim and striking it rich, and I can't begin to explain how it
formed Seattle in a viable city. They
literally said that when the women (whom accompanied the men...damn right) landed on the banks of Seattle they started
crying because it was such a dissolute place.
I really wish I could
have spent more time in this city exploring, chilling with the homeless orphans
(well maybe just homeless), and trying the homebrewed lagers but I had a plane
to catch. Oh yeah and by the way (btw) I
did not, I repeat did not, have a cup of Starbucks....seriously I don't
understand how some people can pay "premium" price for a cup of coffee! Its bullcrap, its like people who poshly
complain about the taste difference between coke and pepsi.....its all the same
stuff.
Back in the Airport, a
responsible one and a half hours before departure, I checked in to Alaskan
Airlines 1st class lounge. I cannot
begin to say enough mediocore things about this airline! While being checked in to the lounge the guy
was on the phone the entire time, I literally waited staring at him for him to
get off the phone. After he hung up it
wasn't a "can I help you, sir?" nope it was a "what?". I told him I was waiting for him to welcome
me to the lounge and give a brief synopsis of what amenities lay ahead. Let me be clear in saying I am not a pampered
man, hell I slept in a tent for 12 months in Iraq, but when people don't do
their job in a welcoming manner I expect them to know it. So after my little altercation with the
friendly Alaskan clerk, I went upstairs to the free bar (yup, I'm excited too)
only to find out there’s a three drink limit....screw you America, and Alaskan
Airlines! I stayed for an hour and a
half precociously sipping my vodka/cranberry and witnessed a man I will
henceforth refer to as "man tits bigfoot", because I took a very
blurry picture of him stomping by and a guy literally fall asleep sitting. Oh! and a guy with an eye patch, whom in my
mind was either a pirate in disguise or an evil super villain (we'll go with
the latter because he was using a laptop).
Flight to my next stop was chill and quiet, except I think I might have
snored a bit...
Aloha
bitches, yup I'm in Hawaii be jealous.
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