So I loved my trip to Punxsutawney! Seriously it was kick ass, pretty much a drama free weekend which ended by reinforcing why I live in Europe. To start this off on Friday I was recovering from being sick, I think due to the 40 degree swing in temp from day to day here...I don't know how people do it. So after a long rest on Friday I drove all the way up to Pittsburg (a very dreary but chill town) from D.C. , to the outskirts or "small town murica." My coat was still in the alterations down in DC so I was forced to go shopping that evening to some store called Dicks (sporting goods), which had a plethora of camouflaged wearing hilly Billy's scouting out the best deer piss scents and sporting orange hats. Surprisingly, I didn't find anything my style in there so walked about the mall in search of a jacket. I have always been a people watcher (not stalker, just watcher) and dear baby jesus was there some interesting people in this mall. It was surreal how much availability of things there are in one place, I know I'm always like this upon returning back to the states, it was almost borderline wasteful the abundance of products just sitting about. After a bit of digging in J.C. Penny's I found some great deals and ended up with a jacket....now we're done with the boring part.
Apparently in PA they don't sell beer in liquor in the same store, or in regular stores at all; the reasoning behind this couldn't really be explained to me, I'm going to blame stupidity. So after a little shopping experience popped by the, this is really the name, "Beer Distributor" to pick up 12 pack and then dropped by a bar called Monkey Pigs or something similar.
When I first walked in to this bar, and granted this is a hick bar, I was overwhelmed with disgust/excitement at patrons of this place. Seriously, this was a backwoods bar where all men wore work boots, jeans, flannel shirts, and baseball caps as a standard. Women wore and array of t-shirts to glittery Britney Spears looking clothing, while trying to seem indifferent of my arrival. I'm not a vain man, but I knew right from the start in my hadji scarf, wool sweater, and leather shoes...there might be an issue. I sat at at free table and right off the bat this wasted guy tried to lay into saying "that's a pretty scarf you got there boy, where you from.".....in case you don't know me, I don't take shit talking laying down. I calmly give him a buy, "I'm from Germany, just flew in this week" I explain. He does a bit of a drunk double take, telling me he was stationed in Germany a long time ago as well...it turns out this guy and I were assigned to the same unit back in 2001 in Kosovo. So guess who doesn't pay for a drink all night, and has a table full of shit kickers fending off people trying to mess with me?....this guy. Looking around the bar though at people hitting on the each other, I realized (quite egotistically...yet soberish) I could be a GOD in a town like this. Really "Rita" you work at the Clothing/Barn yard supply store, oh my what an interesting life you have, let me tell you about my travels....batta bing. Seriously, I could have cleaned up; then upon further reflection I came to a very odd realization that makes me feel kinda old; I don't want time wasters anymore. Yes I'm still afraid of Bears, Commitment, and Fire...but I'm tired of wasting my time with women just for amazing sex and etc. I want what I had almost two years ago, I want a partner in crime, that will stimulate more than just a physical reaction.
Most of these random psychotic women in my life over the past year (granted I was partially to blame with the going craziness) have been place holders in my life to validate what I do and don't want in a person. I've learned that no, I don't want someone who constantly needs me; writing and calling multiple times a day (to finish off things with an 80 page letter). No, I don't want a sex based relationship with someone I have trouble communicating with because of language barriers. No, I don't want to rush into marriage or even moving in even if things feel ok. No, I can't do a long distance relationship without feeling completely in love with someone. But dear 6 lbs., gap wearing, baby jesus....would it be easy to fill my life with those kinda women here in the States. Listening to the daftness of a common person over here makes me feel alien in a world that is so egocentric and consumer orientated...these people are missing something they don't even realize, fucking life!
So yeah, cool night out at the pub...had a few drinks, a few laughs, and of course met some decent people. 4 1/2 hours later, my committed/tired self is en route to Punxsutawny, PA. The place was PACKED, even pulling in to town most streets were blocked off and parking lots were filled galore. I tried to find parking in the local Walmart where a bus service was trucking people up to "Gobblers Knob", I'm not even making that name up. No parking I found a side street I was able to park the car and then it was off for a 2 mile hike, at 0640, straight up hill, in 11 degree weather (can you tell I was committed?). We made the "Knob" 2 minutes before the ceremony began and I immediately regretted not arriving earlier; people were WASTED!, dancing little polka dances and singing Ground hog songs...it was awesome. So the ceremony in itself was pretty chill; we're going to have an early Spring according to the prognosticators of prognosticators.
Then the fun began, after another 2 mile hike down hill in to town there was an array activities planned through out the town in celebration of Ground Hog day. My first priority however, was coffee and some warm food. We found a Fraternal Order of the Eagle lodge (I'm still not sure if this was a boyscout thing or not) that was serving a breakfast buffet, for the celebration, at only $8 a head. Standing in line for over 45 minutes I had plenty of time to talk with locals about mundane things, which helped me remember how friendly small towns really are. At about the 3/4 mark of the line, I was standing inside the lodge overlooking a family of 4 (with a total combined weight of 700 lbs) that was destroying breakfast. The smallest kid (approx. my weight) was about 11 and I swear to god at one point took his french toast sticks and dipped them from his syrup in to his coke before consuming. I was flabbergasted, I locked eyes with the couple behind me and then nodded towards this action. He shocked as well, asked me "who the hell is that kid, Buddy Elf?", serious kudos to him I couldn't stop laughing for like 5 minutes.
With breakfast complete we toured a local hotel that had Punxsutawney Phil souvenirs in three separate parts of the hotel. In the second room I noticed a wine booth, sitting next to the wine booth was a chick about my age on a bar stool. Upon further joking about her being a bouncer, she asked to see an "ID" and then opened this door for us; we lucked upon a damn speakeasy. Now I can't tell you how estactic this made me, I love finding things like this, but walking in to this place my jaw literally swung open. Now mind you this is about 0900 in the morning, not only was the place packed, but who happened to be standing in the middle of the bar? Oh, that's right Winny "the mother freaking" Poo and a Rodney Dangerfield impersonator!!! They were just chilling out having a drinking joking with each other (I should clarify Winny was really a man named Steve in a costume). Greatest surprise of the day for me, I was resolved to meet both but didn't want to seem to over eager. So I went to the bar for a round; they only carried Miller, Bud, and Coors...I asked for some Irish Whiskey and received a solo cup half full of Hennesy (for $4!). Who decides to come over and introduce himself you ask, oh that's right my friends Winny/Steve and his friend Phil (from Lincolnshire, England). We sit and joke for a bit, they tell me about how awesome the pre-ground hogs day party is and how I should make it for new year and such. So, yeah are a bit of laughs and pictures they were off. Two "whiskeys" later I went out in to the lobby and of course my friend Rodney Danger field seemed to be waiting to talk to me. He first goes through a couple "I get no respect jokes", I gave him respect for that (be he doesn't know it) and took a few pictures with the guy....EPIC win.
Following this was my second favorite part of the day; Q&A time with Punxsutawney Phil and his handlers.
Needless to say these were my proposed questions:
"Punxsutawny Phil drinks a magic elixir that prolongs his life 7 years, annually. Why doesn't he just drink it every 6 years, to preserve elixir?"
"If Punxsutawny Phil is indeed a woodchuck, who could chuck wood, how much wood could he in fact chuck?"
"What are Punxsutawney Phils views on why a rainbow is pretty?"
"Why does Punxsutawney Phil hate freedom but love the Spring?"
"Punxsutawney Phil is 127 years old, with no recordable offspring....explain?"
So the only answer I recived from this town hall like setting of questions and answers was 700 lbs., in reference to the wood question. Bastards!
Walking around the town I also entered an Art store with 5 women drinking champagne and selling hot dogs. One of the women also had a ground hog puppet and was pole dancing with him in the window.
(I thought the above paragraph would be of note).
Yesterday was a pretty chill day of driving back to D.C., followed by a Superbowl party of people my age. Let me tell you this first of all, if they are an example of how I'm supposed to act my age, kill me now. These guys were droll, naive, opinionated to the max, and most of all lacked wit. Don't get me wrong they were good people at heart but I was one out of two men surrounded by 5 women (majority obese) and the other guy I was with acted like a whipped puppy dog. I was very anxious to leave and did so around half time. I spent the remainder of the game smoking a cigar and drinking Irish Whiskey like a man should!
